Visit to Amsterdam

It has been a while since I wrote! I was browsing through my posts today and I realised that it has been 10 months since I made a post. WOW! So much has happened in this time, I went back to India again for my brother’s wedding, I finished my thesis and graduated on the 31st of May. Probably. I would have written a bunch of posts had I paid attention.

After graduation photo. Tina and I chose to wear traditional formal clothes.

My parents visited Stockholm for my graduation and went on to visit more of Europe. The orange kurta I wore for my graduation ceremony and traditional Indian footwear, jootis, were a smashing hit with several people coming up to me to express their amazement.

After the Stockholm boat tour with my parents and sister

Graduation ceremony at Karolinska Institute!

I also visited Tallinn which was amazing. As with any of the previous cruises, the journey was more important than the destination ;) though I saw something very unique in Tallinn.

Photo at the central square

Tombstones, see next pixture

Description of the tombstones

A typical street in Tallinn

Strange dolls on the entrances

I found these dolls everywhere!

Another doll, a cutout though

This one was quite creepy!

Martime heritage?

Navigating the narrow lanes

Mulled wine is on offer every few blocks

Mulled wine stand, living heritage

Alexander Nevsky’s church (Vanquisher of the Teutonic knights)

XD

The city was once a part of the Hanseatic league, a powerful coalition of trading cities in northern Europe and Germany. The vestiges of the city’s past are scattered all over with walls, towers, guild-houses and taverns. I got a chance to have lunch at a tavern which was a very authentic recreation of a medieval tavern and was run as such. So, no electric lights, no forks or spoons either but some very delicious sausages, stew and apple pies (?).

A description of the costal fortress

The great coastal gate

Parliament? I think..

Tallinn skyline

Tallinn skyline

The first time I have seen a turret in real life

A very cool looking turret

Defensive tower with hoardings, this is so cool!

The central square

City gates (former)

A very devout statue

Helpful guy

Recreation of a hanseatic tavern

Tavern owner(?), this is an excellent way of making history fun!

The food was delicicous

Garlic to keep the vampires away?

And finally, I will address the topic of this post, Amsterdam. I have had plenty of time after my graduation and with nothing much to do except apply to PhD positions and jobs, I thought a break would be nice to have. So I decided to visit my friend.

Amsterdam is the most beautiful city that I have ever been to! I often repeated this during the visit and I will do so again, I have often heard people exclaim that they have fallen in love with a city, I never felt that way till I visited Amsterdam! 

I spent the first day cycling around the city with my friend, on my route I cycled through gardens, besides a river, besides the canals, looking at the amazing scenery and opulent display of densely packed houses that recall the prosperity of the city’s vast commercial empire. Roaming around the city one can find statues of Rembrandt, Spinoza, Anne Frank and the various museums are said to have very focused exhibits. I also saw the massive Heineken brewery, though the beer does not hold the same regard.

I found Amsterdam as beautiful if not more compared to Stockholm in its natural beauty. As a city though, it leaves the Scandinavian capital far far behind. First, we visited the Albert Cuyp Market (the picture I used below isn’t mine though), where I tasted Stroopwafel. 

Beers at Waterkant

Vedant and I

Parking the cycle at any spot where I can lock it!

This city is full of cycles!

First view of the canal

Albert Cuyp Markt

After that we sat at a nearby Tapas and discussed politics over beers. It felt great meeting a friend in a most unexpected setting. We continued cycling through the day, this also meant that I enjoyed the ride without bothering with pictures.

We made a stop at the Waterkant, which is a canal-side bar. The weather was sunny and we had a good time catching up while making plans to hire a boat. A few days later we did hire a boat and roamed the canals. There is a very sublime feeling in cruising around the canals, taking in the sights and just feeling like a boss (or a captain?) handling the controls.

Cruising down the canals

The Amstel river!

Vedant, chilling like a boss

These are former warehouses, notice the hoisting hooks on the top

Navigating the first bridge

Crossing one of the either four or five churches, the bells were tolling, each church has its own sound!

Docking to replenish the beers

The following day, we took the city-canal tour which took us around the main historical spots of the city and also covered the history of Amsterdam in some detail. We also visited the Amsterdam dungeon, which while being quite short was an interesting interactive experience in Amsterdam’s history.

City canal tour

Amsterdam dungeon

The biggest windmill left in the city (has a brewery below)

World city exhibit

World city exhibit II

Model of a typical trade vessel (?)

Armour *.*

This is now a cafe XD

I also visited the Amsterdam museum, which really covered the history of Amsterdam for me as well as Dutch history in general. I confess, while I was vaguely aware of this, I had never imagined that Amsterdam had been such a melting pot of culture and commerce. The scale of organisation and ambition that the city had during its heyday is astounding, though the tactics employed by them directly led to the rise of the African slave trade and colonization of much of Asia.

I think modern Amsterdam really benefits from its multi-cultural legacy. As a trading city, it has been used to exotic goods and varied peoples from all over the world. I also like to think that it was the republican and economic history of this city that made it so lively, accepting and very pragmatic. Standing at Rembrandtplein at 21:00 I could feel the rich energy coursing through the city with its music, the sounds of merriment and bright lights abound.

Rembrandtplein, always lively!

The red light district

Silly jack, the clock tower that rang four times in an hour.

At Roger Waters’ concert

Is that Trump in the air?

Roger Waters on stage

Some good music.

This was a wonderful trip where I go to have a lot of fun and also learnt quite a bit a about this center of European culture that I never really thought much about before.

Since coming back I have been doing some machine learning projects, made a personal website. I got an invitation & funding to attend interviews in Zurich a few days ago, very excited about that!. Looking forward to an interesting visit, though I probably won’t have time to go around the city. Now that I have written this, hopefully there will be many more posts to come :)

Preparing for the blood moon and a midnight dip in the lake! (near Lappis)

 

Urban Bharat Darshan

Last month I went back to India. After a year of being videsh, I had a very good time meeting my family and friends. Using all my accumulated air miles I decided to pay my friends scattered over the country a visit.  Needless to say moving around between 6 cities has left me with a lot of memories and thoughts that are to many to condense.

Allahabad

Lucknow

Delhi

Mumbai

Pune

Bangalore

It was certainly a refreshing experience. Being away for a while allowed me to notice things that I might have been glossing over when I all I knew was the Indian way of life. More so, the feeling of being connected, the feeling of return, the refreshing of memories and habits. All of this helped me take a break from my life in Sweden. This vacation was an important space for me to continue pondering my life in the most comforting background of love, good food and no deadlines.

I visited my father at work and took some pictures of ancient Indian art on display outside though the galleries inside are ofcourse very extensive.

 

 

 

Scultpure of a temple

Ancient Indian sculptures outside the Allahabad museum

Sculpture of a dancer?

Chandra Shekhar Azad the iconic Indian freedom fighter

Allahabad museum-my father’s workplace

Dad, hard at work :D

I also visited the temple. In India one tends to find the best sweets being produced near temples since nothing less will do when offering to the gods. In any case I like the calm, reverent atmosphere and the tasty laddu.

 

 

The sweet shop :)

Temple gate depicting Ram on a chariot

Temple entrance with writings in Sanskrit

I was often so involved that I couldn’t get the pictures myself sometimes, I will shamelessly use google to replace such,

 

 

 

Lucknow railway station

A typical railway platform

A street side ‘Paan shop’

A lazy cow

An autorickshaw

My view from an autorickshaw

Awadh is the historical region that comprises of the southern half of my state. Centered around cities like Lucknow and Allahabad, the culture of this region flourished in the 19th century. Some of most iconic and exquisite dishes of northern India originate here and Awadhi cuisine has always been close to my heart.

I specially enjoyed a meal of Galouti kebabs & Mughlai Paratha, Handi chicken and Biryani at a famous restraunt in Lucknow, Dastarkhwan. In Lucknow I also visited the city’s historical spots.

 

 

 

British residency: The site of a bloody siege during the revolution of 1857

British residency: The site of a bloody siege during the revolution of 1857

Tanga ride with my family

Bada Imambara: Awadhi Architecture

Gate of the Imambara

Moving on I went to Delhi, the national capital where I had some good times with my friends was reunited with my beloved after a year. As we moved around the usual spots I started wondering about how the intensity of life is increased in India simply by the hustle-bustle, the shiny boards that cover buildings entirely, the variety of sounds and smells one might encounter.

 

 

 

Connought Place: Typically the meeting spot

CP at night

Connought Place from the air

Me with friends

Streetside Rajma Chawal with Dad

Bhavyaa and me at Big Chill

Khan market

I also had the opportunity to stay near Delhi University’s north campus. The sprawling student area has many of India’s best colleges and a huge student community that lends a distinct youthful character to the area. While it may not be a tourist spot, it is definitely an area to visit to get a feel of how the younger generation lives. I personally studied in a rather far flung place. Specially intriguing was the Ridge. I never knew of its existence before.

Before long, I moved on to Bombay where I was finally hit by the monsoons. The day I landed rain lashed from a darkened sky. I saw people on bikes covered head to toe in plastic zooming under the rain, of peddlers at work even as people frantically scattered to their homes. I took a short visit to Pune through Lonavla with my brother. Driving down the Pune-Mumbai expressway munching on daal pakodas, I was memmerized by the intense natural beauty. It seemed as though the hills were covered with green frosting.

 

 

Green cake frosting

Pouring rain

Yummy Pakodas

Compared to the north the temperature was cooler and the rain constant. After the humidity and heat of the north, this was a welcome release.

Back in Mumbai, I visited the Jehangir Art Gallery where my father was overseeing an exhibition. It was in south Bombay, colloquially sobo, that I realised that despite India’s ancient heritage, very little can be seen today. While we have preserved many monuments and art, our cities and lives very rarely interact with our heritage. Unlike europe where cities are a living reminder of times gone by, India perhaps doesn’t have the same luxury. On the other hand, I noticed that old parts of all cities still have buildings built in the ornate styles of the past, they just get subdued.

 

 

Sobo architecture: Preserrved British era architecture

Sobo architecture: Preserrved British era architecture

Sobo architecture: Preserrved British era architecture

Prince of Wales Museum

Gateway of India

A street corner in Masjid: Less preserved but I can imagine what it looked like

Contrast the old and the new on opposite sides

Lack of preservation subdues these grand buildings

New constructions in Powai: Imitating the old styles

Powai Galleria

A typical Bazaar

Galleria: A modern bazaar

Me eating my favorite takeout place (I have to sit and eat as I no longer have an apartment nearby)

Mongolian stir fry: former daily does of unhealthy takeout

Modern art: Horse boobs?

Modern art: Horse balls?

Modern art: Feminsim

Modern art: Angry young man

Modern art: Faceless lady

Brother getting a Champi

Dad and I chilling at Leopold Cafe

On the last leg of my journey, I visited Bangalore. Though I could only stay for a day I got to meet my good friends. Bangalore if often seen as India’s version of silicon valley and indeed some of my friends are also engaged in making the world a better place.

Towards the end I was feeling a bit despondent, I had grown accustomed to the excitement of meeting people and going to places but all good things end. Soon I found myself on a flight bound for Stockholm and after a grueling journey involving not sleeping for 28 hours I came back.

As the plane headed towards Arlanda, I saw tiny islands scattered near the coast, forested landscapes and bright fields of wheat (possibly?). As I came out, I was greeted by the typical smell of coffee and cigarettes that pervades this place.

 

 

Bright days still

A green crossing

I soon found myself getting amazed by the greenery, the cool fresh wind and the bright days all over again. Going on vacations is great I feel, it has made me appreciate the nice things everywhere!

 

 

A Sparse Metropolis

It’s been a while since I posted. Summer has come around and I had a sweat in Stockholm. The warmth in the air, the lush greenery and an almost (so close) 24 hour sunlight day makes for an interesting experience in itself when placed in contrast with the bleak grey, frozen hell this place can be.

So, we did a barbecue on one sunny day and had a bonfire later. Walking back home, doing groceries, the joy of watching the sheep and the cows in the fields. I remember the day I felt it was summer. As usual I put on my coat and walked out of my apartment. It was windy as usual except the air felt warm, the day before it would have been a chilly pinching sensation. The temperamental nature of the weather here is astounding, days can go from sunny, to rainy, even snowy at a whim.

 

As the barbecue ended we greeted random travelers in the sky

A bonfire in the night

The smell of woodsmoke is still in my clothes

But as the semester wound down, the warm days kept on coming. I finally got around to running in the trails and woods behind Lappis, something I have been thinking and talking about for a while. I found some more interesting places (see: Something prompted this!).

Stockholm is a sparse metropolis. The amount of nature mingled with the urban environs, modern and historied is incredible. I can’t imagine any other place where I can go from walking on a paved road surrounded by buildings to a wooded lake edge. So, when I went to swim in a lake in the middle of the city, it wasn’t like being in nature, it was being in nature.

 

Another path in the woods behind Lappis, great place to run alongside the lake

Swimming at the beach with friends

Visisted the nursery in the Botanical gardens

A Venus Fly Trap, so cool

Its not just the nature though, This feeling which I can only describe as being the opposite of feeling crowded is as pervasive as its incredible. The place has largely left me untouched, it has been the experiences I have sought out that have come to impress me. I went slack lining in the park, where I meet several new people, some of them strangers who wanted to join and a elderly gentleman who congratulated us on our efforts. I felt very pleased with the warmth and welcoming demeanor. I went to a gay bar and found it to be pretty much a normal bar, a couple of winks here and a few girls making out, notwithstanding.

The restaurants, clubs, museums one visits here appear to me as cozy boxes embedded in the pastel colored buildings that stand soberly, orderly. The openness that this place has never seems to stop amazing. For the last couple of days I have been riding around a borrowed bicycle. I have crossed the length of the city, gotten lost (even with GPS :/) and just enjoyed the freedom that this place promises (you do need a job, which I currently do).

 

Crossing into Gamla Stan

The light at the end of the tunnel though I had completed only half the journey

The cyclists get the best views

A moment to catch my breath

My trusty steed whizzing down after a equally steep climb

I was well and truly lost at this point

The midnight skies

The road home

Stockholm University

The distant lights is where I live

You would never be here on a car

A quaint telephone booth

Getting lost at a farm, somehow

The scenic road back, this is almost 12 hours after the previous one, hail the eternal sunlight

So I rode around and saw the blue hued midnight skies and went for a sunny morning ride to work. While the regular folks go around in their cars on bland grey highways, the cyclists get to enjoy some spectacular views, filled with lakes, flowers. As the cool wind blows and the sun keeps you warm, it is easy to get lost in this dream. I get lost all the time and its worth it because every sight is priceless. The pictures I take don’t tell it well, the best parts I was too busy enjoying myself.

In my opinion, this is a city not of dreams but one where people make choices, where things don’t come to you, rather you have to seek your way out. This ethos has caused me much anguish but still there is much to be appreciated.

Left alone to my own devices but inevitably, still a part of this beautiful city, I am loving it here.

 

8.6 km: Ride to the restaurant Chutney where I had some amazing Falafel (quite different from the rolls variety)

12 km: Midnight cycling through Stockholm. The map shows the route I needed take though I did end up visiting the western peninsula as well :D

~5 km: Morning ride to the university.

10 km: The most spectacular ride, through winding private roads. I visited farms, golf courses and a flower strewn stretch alongside the train tracks

Life Building

A couple of weeks ago I was at the lakehouse of the Karolinska Institute’s student union, Solvik. The ice had only just melted and the overbearing, gloomy grey skies had been dispersed by the ever increasing daylight. Thanks to the initiative of my lovely friends, we organised an overnight gala, wine flowed as we gathered around the fire. Juicy, flavorful meats sizzled on the barbecue.

Looks like bliss, wouldn’t want to be here in the winters though.

An intriguing settlement.

Evidence of hunting.

A real life watch tower, haven’t seen any outside games yet.

A lazy dose of sun.

I was pretty languid after the intense experience of the sauna (my very first), alternated with jumps into the freezing ice water but as my sobriety receded, I had my share of fun on the dance floor and then sneaked off to the sauna again, though the alcohol dulled the bight of the late night chill. All in all, a very pleasant, relaxing experience.

The next day, I sat alone on the floating jetty(?) and was feeling really content letting the sun warm my skin and the breeze ruffle my hair. I am very averse to discomfort yet the freshness that I felt compelled me to jump headlong into the lake. Again and again I plunged into the depths of the fjord, each time seeking to jump farther and dive deeper. The interval was just enough to let me feel my limbs. I will forever be grateful that this moment got captured for posterity,

The feeling of having an unchangeable resolve, can’t back down now.

The thrill of making the leap, of letting go of the fear and doubt.

I had a ecstatic feeling of cleansing, of solace and life. After tiring myself out, I did what I do best, I pondered. Unlike my phases of existential agony, this time, the splendor around me would not let me slide into the melancholy I am so well versed with. I don’t really remember what I was thinking but I know I was content, the very best kind of happiness there is.

Yesterday, I was considering where my ideas about life and such come from. I readily identified the obvious sources and re-discovered some obscure ones. The earlier I looked back, the more fragmented these influences were, partial understandings of concepts way beyond my age at the time,. Yet it was these half understood ideas that had the most profound impact.

One of earliest ones, was Swami Vivekananda, the famous Indian ascetic. In my school, students were sorted into colored houses, each representing an acknowledged sage with a profound influence on the Indian society. I was assigned to the saffron colored, Vivekananda house. Buddha famously rejected extreme asceticism alongside materialism and then promulgated the middle path. Vivekananda had a similar realisation, though in contrast to the passivity of Buddhist philosophy, his was one of activity. The strength of spirituality, manifested as  energy to live life to the fullest. And by that he meant a drive to excel in every aspect of life.

Swami Vivekananda in his characteristic colours.

At the Parliament of the World’s Religions in Chicago, 1893.

I always imagined this to be akin to having an inexorable force, propelling me to my self determined destiny. The belief that, I could throw myself headlong into challenges, with a constant, unrelenting persistence and I would surmount anything. This was the ideal to live by. As I grew, several other ideas, thoughts and goals blended in. The bedrock of what I want to do is the certainty that I can do anything.

This also begs, the question then, can I stop? Could I imagine being content or would I always be stuck in the pursuit of a ever distant goal?  It doesn’t help that not everyone shares this compulsion. Going against the herd sounds glamorous but this is hardly ever the case. Most often that not, everyone is choosing their own unique path, and mine seems to be getting harder by my own doing. Unlike people who cannot escape their burdens, I was lucky enough to have a chance at an easier life. Is constant wanting or waiting or struggling, a sure way of making my life hell? I feel so at times yet I  reject the notion of stopping, of being satisfied with what I have.

That being said, it is really easy to find happiness along the way and it can look something like this,

The pure bliss of letting go (of doubt)

Indian Spice

The next Monday after this post is Holi. It is a celebration of values like the triumph of good over evil and associated with many different legends, the most prominent being the burning of the eponymous demon Holika. However for me and countless others, it means bright colors, water fights, Gujiyas & Thandai. It was by far the most fun event of my life while growing up. The frivolty is intoxicating.

Holi is becoming more known to people far abroad in recent times. Here’s how it looks like,

This is of course largely due the festival occurring at the start of Spring in India. While gentle winds blow and the temperature is just right. The sun isn’t so harsh as to burn though the its warmth, felt on the back while being drenched in color water is soothing.

Meanwhile in Stockholm….

I have been for past few days been missing home. There are the little things about my previous life that I miss and there are major things, like food! I have overpowering cravings for the Mughlai I ate every weekend in Allahabad. The dahi vada, samosa, gulabjamun, papri chaat I had in the evenings. Even, aloo gobi and paneer paratha are missing from my life. Finally, my all time favorite ‘arhar dal tadke laga ke, aur chawal‘ has been absent for months :/ Just collecting these images has plunged me into immense agony.

Mughlai Cuisine

Kadhai Chicken and Rice

Samosa

Dahi Vada

Gujiya

Arhar Dal Chawal

Indian spices have been considered valuable in Europe for millenia. From the ancient Romans to modern day, Indian food is considered exotic, flavorful and hot. Spices have had an important role in our history. From the first global trading networks to the rise of colonialism, it was all driven by the riches derived from Indian spices.

Having eaten spicy food all my life, I had never really understood the fascination for Indian food from people who are not used to it. Infact, for me all food Indian or otherwise cannot be separated into categories. As I sit here drinking coffee and eating a fantastic spinach, bacon sandwich.

I think about the relative lack of flavor in my food. A lot of meat, bread and pasta dominates my diet yet apart from the standard ‘garam masala‘, I haven’t really leveraged my heritage. The curry mixes as expected do not hold up to the definition. So, I decided that it was time I took my cooking initiatives one step further.

A week ago, I made the bold decision to buy baigan/egglpant/aubergines/brinjal, whatever term you prefer. I then proceeded to buy mustard seeds or ‘rai‘ to replicate the essence of mustard oil used in almost all fancy cooking in India. The results were spectacular. I made two great dishes, ‘baigan bhaja‘ which is a Bengali dish made by frying sliced baigan and ‘baigan ka bharta‘ which is a Punjabi recipe, made by roasting, then mashing the veggie. Unfortunately, I was too busy eating to consider snapping my achievements.

Baigan ka Bharta

Baigan Bhaja

When I bit into the slightly crunchy, oil laden slice I experienced an epiphany and a catharsis of epic proportions. The rich taste and aroma of mustard lifted my spirits as I gulped down my creation in a frenzy. I, having lived for almost 8 months without this precious flavor,  was a man quenching his thirst after journeying through the desert. The tremendous satiation I felt made me realise why good food is a central pillar of a satisfied life.

The amazing thing  is that there are many, many more experiences of rediscovery awaiting me as I explore the rich diversity of the subcontinent’s gastronomical delights.

Fortress of Solitude

A ‘Fortress of Solitude’ is what my colleague called the 25 day self imposed, exam induced hibernation. My travel plans dashed, I resigned myself to a quiet Christmas and New Year, knowing fully well that the weather in Stockholm is conducive to a passive existence that I am prone to. I lost track of day-night cycles and life flowed along without boundaries, a blur of existence. Day after day I stared outside my window at the snow and wondered how it could have been. At night I heard the plastic I had placed on the vent crinkle, thankful of the warmth I had as the lakes froze,

A mesmerising skyline, so far away..

..the snow clogged lanes..

..empty roads, there is only the howling of the wind as I walk..

..the solitude as the snow flakes fall..

..working up new dishes that match the remainder of the grocery since I can’t be bothered to go shop..

..lonely Christmas

I did attempt to spend this precious resource, time, prudently on things like learning programming and preparing for the exam. The inevitable did happen and the process wasn’t as efficient as one might hope. Countless youtube videos were consumed. Unfortunately my attempt to do something useful kept me from the things I would have loved to do instead. So, the books and anime went untouched as I slipped and skidded in my attempt to do something useful. Could it be that I tried too hard, might have I instead written a poem? Progressed on the long abandoned book? I feel a pang of regret but the milk has spilled, the days have long passed.

I came here with the urge to make something of myself, to learn new things and do things that amaze me. That enthusiasm has fallen flat on its face. I thought about the hard journey ahead, a sinking feeling came to mind. I have never been a rushed person and it struck me that I might have been a little too hasty this time around. The idea that I might have jumped into a quagmire of my own making felt very real. Could I have given up on those small pleasures of life, the little things that go unnoticed till you are deprived of them? I recalled the wondrous sights I had seen when I arrived here and how enamored I was at the beauty. I was taken by how different and storied the surroundings seem,

This was an open city full of greenery and hidden pathways. Often I had wandered and stumbled upon fabulous things.  I have walked and come across castles and hidden wooden doors. Stockholm can feel like a toy town at times, with its empty streets, transport that runs like clockwork and a majestic, aged feel about it.

This was so different from the crowded urban jungles cities are. Yet here I was a few months later holed up inside a small room. I couldn’t help noticing the contrast. I felt restricted and as I pondered more, I felt the extent to which my life had been altered. I always knew what I was getting into, but the physical manifestation of constraint hits hard.

I wondered at the remarkable change in perspective I have undergone during this time. As I boarded the bus to the university after several days, I felt a sense of return. In contrast to how everything had felt new and wondrous half a year ago, I felt the comfort of a known landscape, a feeling similar to how one looks at home.The striking sensation to me was how much I still appreciated the wind, the quiet calm of this city and that beautiful, intriguing things stay that way though I might encounter them time and time again. I had planned to post this collection of pictures a while ago but I see things differently now.

As I had grow accustomed to my life here, the murky restlessness returns. It is an important force that drives to me to strive for better but too much of it and the doors to perpetual frustration swing wide open. I feel like an important lesson has been learnt. I have come full circle. Starting from a place where I was content to let things happen as they would, to a burning desire to lead my destiny and now finally the realisation that good things don’t happen overnight. In the meantime, I suppose its ok to have some fun!

I missed a lot of people this winter and I was missed by a lot of people too. Thank you for all the love you have showered me with!

Life’s a crowded bus ride

Munching my way through the epic saga of the T lymphocytes…(pardon) I drift down the memory lane. Life for me has been as crowded as most though I have always been keen on noticing my differences from the rest. The urge to form my unique individuality, to do better and to live life on my terms has been particularly strong. And yet, friendship is a need, not an option..

Fortunately, over the past many years, I have always been able to find amazing people who I love to be with. I think I have had great experiences with them and all of us have somehow influenced each other. Like a bus ride, life involves getting jostled, trying to keep our footing, and many a times we get affected by people we never meet. So much of our lives are shaped by forces we aren’t aware of but people, is something we all relate to.

So, I think about all those times I felt glad to have friends and I came up with this..

Sunny afternoon at Sky Lab. This was 3,1 Controls batchsnap. I fondly remember the ‘Egg-Chi-Mayoni” and “Veg Curry”. We spent countless evenings just chilling here.

The Controls 11′ batch again in Sky Lawns. Pretty much the only time we were all dressed up together. A rare occasion where Steffie agreed to be photographed.

With Binay and Dhruva at Majorda beach if I recall correctly. The summer intership in Goa is by far the most relaxed and fun time I have had in my life. Second year had just ended and all we wanted to do is chill in life.

The wing, post elections. The incredible sincerity with which the campaign was run. Enjoying the spoils of victory.

Celebrating victory in many ways, Jumbo and me spent an entire evening coming up with this masterpiece.

The pharmacy 11’batch at the department snaps. Companions in countless exams, labs and lectures. We made some great memories out of those 3 years.

Udit and Shreyansh, two of my most brilliant and most crackpot friends. Also the very serious academic conversations we had.

The only cool pic I have. Another masterpiece by Jumbo, I get credit for the title though.

Second year Oasis I believe, all that running around and feeling important. I miss how lively it all was.

The StuCCAns. I do miss the busy life and glamor of the job. These were the glory days I will look back to in the years to come.

My buddies from school, we may scatter away but I will always remember the humble beginnings and the great friends.

Its surprising how close people get when they have free time and shared procrastination.

The yearly vacation meeting, sadly the tradition is broken.

So, yet again, friends, remember the PwC ’15 batch.

The latest bakchods in my collection. Bros forever.

..Scilife 16′ batch, yet another beginning..

..back to student life..

..the stairs in rocky (not really)..

Thats three people vouching for me (one inevitable vegetarian), and they know their stuff.

At the nobel dialogue, nice try Javi :D

The Helsinki cruise, great sights with great people.

The Christmas party, young people doing young people things.

I am a pretty nerdy guy, so I despise the stereotyping of nerds as emotionally dull. On the contrary I have always found interacting with people, understanding their needs & motivations and to be able to provide the affection they seek, a profound experience. On the same lines, for me talking about my thoughts and feelings is a necessary aspect of life. (Obviously!)

Great thoughts may involve ideas but it’s the people and happenings, that give meaning to our life and substance to our souls.

Winter Woes

Waking up is a tedious activity when it’s cold. Hours go by, as I lie listlessly, rolled up in my razai, luxuriating in the comfort of my cocoon of heat. It takes repeated assaults by my sense of urgency to overcome this quagmire.

Today as my eyes scanned my surroundings in the half sleepy, state of sloth, I noticed the flakes, swaying in the wind. I extricated myself from the trappings of my warm bed and was greeted with a magnificent sight outside the window.

..chills the soul outside

First snow..

..feels cozy inside..

..trudging through the snow..

The bitter cold has defeated the warmest clothing I could muster. The winter is going to be beautifully, brutal. I have seen some amazing changes in the past few months, from 10 hour long days, to the rich colors of autumn leaves and now this.

Strewn leaves and bare trees..

..under the autumn sun..

I think about how the years have passed and a lot has happened in in my life. Enough, that I can think about several occasions when my life changed dramatically. Things that were once new, become routine, but the almost otherworldly thrill of a gust of cold wind blowing through your hair, sensations of the inexorable passing of time  as seasons change, thoughts that remind us of our puny stature in the vastness of this world, they never grow old.

From the bleak grey sky, blows, the shivering wind;
Bringing the promise of a storm;
The bare trees moan, rain falls on the frigid ground;
A lonesome light shines into the blackness,
Smoldering embers come to life and rise,
As the smoke rides the winter breeze;
Across the solitary expanse they are scattered,
Memories of a dear life, relived in every dream;
Open doors invite the creeping chill,
As thick fog descends, the smoke rises on the winter wind,
Pale faces, seeking comfort in smothering hearths,
The windtouched child welcomes the cold and smiles,
At the white smoke riding the winter wind.

 

An Evening Smoke

I confess that I have, not even by my own reckoning, done anything remotely great, though I hope to do so. The last few months have by far been the most turbulent in my life. After getting my first job, I was unable to reconcile the fundamental loss of freedom, that occurs in the process of becoming an independent adult, with the greatest amount of material liberty that I have experienced.

During this phase I devised an experiment to quiet the creaking beams of my sanity. The experiment involved removing the presence of cigarettes, a relatively new addition for a not so insignificant time frame, from my life. While I held no covenant, I did not indulge myself for over 8 weeks till the evening I wrote this article and I wished to mark the event.

“I woke up to a warm twilight sky, in an evening, as dull as any that preceded. It was overcast, yet there would be no rain. This was an evening I have known all my life. The strength sapping heat had died down, and as the sun set the air feels soft, comforting, yet there is melancholy in the air. This overpowering sadness isn’t new and while nothing has changed, there is a transformative power in these lonely moments of bliss. Perhaps it is simply the quiet crossing of day into night? For most of my life, this has been an inevitable occurrence that signaled the end of another unit of existence. This has been my own way of measuring the passing of my life and has always been a profound experience unparalleled in its peace. 

I have grown fond of this state, the slight dryness in my eyes and weightiness I feel in my brain. I am the most composed when I am tired, perhaps because I do not want for anything. It always feels like a unique form of catharsis, not an outburst but rather a quiet release of the panic, the desire, the greed, the ambition, the anger and the jealousy…I cannot write it all down. This has happened many times before and will happen often again. My relish however is not long lived since night approaches rapidly and the warm embrace that soothes, turns into the cool of the night, which while welcome, does not hold any potency with respect to my own self.

I rarely make the effort to write down and express myself, preferring the wanderings of my own mind yet every once in a while, there arises a great motivation that makes it click. I have often speculated that it is my own uncompromising nature that creates these urges. When there simply aren’t any distractions left, I seek stimulation without which I wither away. It is simply because I need to be entertained. I cannot function without steeping myself in the thrill of discovering something new, more often than not, these are new people, new circumstances and new challenges. This feeling is often scarred by impressions life leaves upon us and the very real constraints that always appear.

Smoking has inserted itself into these moments of wry feelings and solitude. It has done so, since it is an act of conscious will that is so focused, there is nothing more for me to do while I am enjoying a smoke. It is the absolute pinnacle of taking a break, an aid that keeps one engaged.

The sullen and bored mind that cannot find meaning or purpose to life, invites a variety of doubts and existential agonies to creep up. Questions about my own ego, about its beliefs and the stored memories on which I justify my existence.  It is not a pleasant sensation, the burgeoning unsurety of every single choice there is to make and truly, there are an immense amount of sequential choices one makes in life, perhaps this is what it means to live? I am fairly convinced about this.

Through the ups and downs I turn to an underlying will that is immune to both the happiness and unhappiness of my life. It is this will, that can reign in the more volatile, reactionary self that simply floats through. Writing is by far the strongest accomplice I have in this quest. The process by which I condense the wispy mutterings in my head.”

The pleasure I got that day was exquisite. It was a fruit of patience. It was not rushed, it was relaxed and composed and this deliberate nature of the act was the solace that I sought. Now that I have moved on to another phase of my life, my thoughts differ from his slightly, our feelings based out of experience differ. I remember the ‘me’, of that evening fondly, as I enjoy another one now.

 

Cook in 7 days

It has been two weeks since my last post (also the first! :p). After spending the first week subsisting on cup noodles and oats, I brought to life another long standing dream of mine. I learnt how to cook and though I don’t want to over-emphasize my accomplishments, I think this was a great personal milestone.

I did pretty well initially with sandwiches and such, though it was the conversation with my mother on Saturday that roused me from my ‘chalta hai’ (~ it’s fine) mood…

Early experiments with feeding myself

Masala oats mixed with instant butter paneer

Chicken flavored mashed potatoes and botched eggs :\

Ham, lettuce and tomato sandwiches with milk

I was asked about my plan for dinner, to which I replied ‘Oats’.While I was still in India in the relative comfort of food cooked by people who knew what they were doing, ‘Oats’ had been my perfect answer to my very noticeable lack of culinary skills, yet after six days of consuming the white, gooey stuff I was in deep contemplation about the choices I made in life.

I was despondent, filled with remorse as I recalled countless days spent procrastinating, as I lived out my last few days in luxury back home. I further plunged into despair as I fondly remembered the time honored tradition of my family, consuming copious amounts of gravy chicken and ‘roomali roti’ every weekend. Furthermore, I was admonished by girlfriend, who in her generosity had prepared for me, the most fabulous home made chicken ever. However, I had dashed any hopes she might have had of inspiring me.

And then the realisation struck, I was here, alone and with no one to look I had the freedom to do as I please. Sure, I would have to invest some effort into it, but I had always loved cooking, meager though my abilities were. In a fit of rampant enthusiasm, I managed to create an exquisite egg curry, something, I would have never deemed myself capable of..

The first inspiration

Documenting the process

Served with leftover bread and ham

There are a few moments when one is filled with the wonder and delight of mastering  life, a feeling of overcoming, of victory in face of adversity. I had broken a glass ceiling (albeit a very low one) but as they say ‘Buy yourself packaged food, you feed yourself but learn how to cook and you feed yourself cheaply! Forever!’ So, I cooked and I explored, I discovered the thrill of creation.

The portfolio

French toast with honey

Spaghetti in soup made with filmjölk and veggies

Spaghetti sauce with carrots and Indian spices

Spaghetti and brown bread

Vegetable stew with sausages and eggs

Storing some for lunch next day!

I accidentally found a local delicacy , filmjölk, which is fermented milk. I wanted to purchase regular milk, imagine my surprise when thick, sour cream poured out instead. Thankfully I took google’s advice before departing for  an indignant refund attempt. It definitely appears to be an acquired taste though I did manage to find a purpose for the 1L I have. I also discovered that peanut butter mixed with warm milk is a tasty counter to the cold.

Aaaand of course, presenting my crowning jewel, the source of my greatest culinary pride, my first dish with meat, a very unique chicken curry that lit up my taste buds. It was the most fulfilling meal I have ever had. I still dream about that magical day where I became a full fledged cook..

The best achievement so far

Shining it the evening sun..

..notice the amazingly creamy texture..

..I am so happy :)

I even had it sampled by my friends, who were all suitably impressed when they had me over for dinner,last Friday. It was sincerely the best meal I have had since coming to Stockholm. I unfortunately forgot to snap a pic of the chicken dish (not mine) and the ras malai :\

Good food and good company! :D

Thats three people vouching for me (one inevitable vegetarian), and they know their stuff.

Sweet-sour egg curry

So, I can now proudly claim to be a self fed guy :D On a serious note, this has been an excellent learning experience for me which I get to celebrate with a very lucky find, found clearing my shelf of stuff left by the previous tenant.

Well, winter is coming!